Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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