Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dick very happy bro
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
