I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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