What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
