69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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