I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
