Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
