You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
