There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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