We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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