I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
