So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
