Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
