just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
