Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
