she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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