My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
