Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
