soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
