The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
