dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
