somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
