She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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