My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
