Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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