If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my shit smells like andre
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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