if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
