I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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