this just has baby written all over it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
