Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this boner is exhausting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
