next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
