do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
