That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
