i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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