That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
