proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize