Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
