My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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