so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize