i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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