The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
