My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize