I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
