No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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