My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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