this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
