First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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