ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
