dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
where does the pee come out of this thing
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
