Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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