I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
