Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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