I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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