nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
