proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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