Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
smell my finger.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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