I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
