Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
