There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
