You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
