omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
