When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
