i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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