I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
