just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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