using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
