NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
