Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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