I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
