i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
