i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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