I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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