I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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