I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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