if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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